How to Be a True Friend

Izak Marais: How to Be a True Friend (Prov. 17:17)

Our text today says that “a true friend ... love[s] at all times.” So, what is a true friend? Jesus helps us to understand this at John 15:12-14. Here he says: “This is my commandment, that you love one another just as I have loved you. No one has love greater than this, that someone should surrender his life in behalf of his friends. You are my friends if you do what I am commanding you.” You see those two elements there? One is to give our “life in behalf of [our] friends” and the other one is to love as Jesus loves us.

Now, giving our life for our friend, that is big. It’s a big challenge. But before we can develop that kind of love, we need to learn something else. Let us turn to 1 Peter chapter 1, where this is explained by Peter very well, 1 Peter 1:22. He says this: “Now that you have purified yourselves by your obedience to the truth with unhypocritical brotherly affection as the result, love one another intensely from the heart.” Do you see what that other element is? “Unhypocritical brotherly affection.”

This intense love is not a cold, reasoned love for our brothers in general (something that we have for all our brothers), but we reserve warm, personal affection (brotherly affection) only for those who are close to us. You see, it would be kind of hypocritical to say, “I will give my life for my brother, but I cannot be nice to him.” Intense love requires effort. We need to expand our heart, widen it out, to include not only those whom we like but also those whom we maybe don’t like so much.

Now, does this mean that we have to be close friends with everyone? Well, Jehovah and Jesus know that it is impossible for us to be close associates with everyone and to spend all our time entertaining people. That is not what brotherly affection means. Brotherly affection means that we change on the inside. We expand our heart to embrace all the friends of Jesus. Now, don’t lose heart. Jesus set the standard. He knows that we can succeed and that we will succeed.

What we would like to do now is discuss how we can develop intense love by means of forgiveness and by means of prayer. So let’s take forgiveness first. First Peter 4:8 says this, 1 Peter 4:8. He says: “Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”

Now, we’re imperfect, and the reality is that we are going to fail our friends at some time and that they will fail us. And what could be the result? Well, hurt feelings. But let’s also read here Proverbs 18:19. Here at Proverbs 18:19, it says: “A brother offended is more unyielding than a fortified city, and there are disputes like the bars of a fortress.”

Well, when our feelings are hurt, we tend to put up defenses “like the bars of a fortress.” So how can we remove that bar of a fortress? Well, for one thing, an apology will go a long way. But we might say: “Well, I’m hurt; my brother offended me. Why do I have to apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Well, if we want the friendship to continue, we have no choice. And the longer we put it off, the worse it gets. Let’s take the example of Jesus. Peter denied Jesus three times. He even swore that he was no friend of Jesus. Now, Jesus was right there hearing all of this. But afterward, Jesus removed those barriers. He opened the way for them to be reconciled. After his resurrection, an angel spoke to the women, and he told them: “Go, tell his disciples and Peter.”

So he singled Peter out; he gave him a special invitation. And Jesus met with Peter. Can you imagine how Peter feels to this day about that friendship that Jesus reestablished with him? And not only did he reestablish that friendship, but he used him in many powerful ways.

So, what do we learn from this? It is not realistic to expect too much from our friends. We’re all imperfect. Don’t give up on your friend. Forgive. Open the door of your heart wide. Forgiveness is essential if imperfect people are going to have lasting friendships.

Now, the second one is that of prayer. At 1 Peter 4:7, it says (the second part): “Be vigilant with a view to prayers.” So practically, how do prayers help us to acquire brotherly affection? Well, we have brothers coming from all over the world, and their culture might be quite different from ours, and we may find it difficult to understand the thinking of some. Their behavior may be strange or unusual, not quite what we expected to happen.

We may even feel, ‘Well, he’s not really my kind of person.’ Well, take the matter in prayer to Jehovah. Mention the brother’s name, explain the problem as we see it, and then ask for Jehovah to help you.

What will Jehovah do? Jehovah will help us to change how we feel about our brother. And Jehovah can give us “the desire and the power” to change our attitude. So pray and pray again until we begin to see our brother as Jehovah sees our brother.

‘If Jehovah loves my brother, who am I to withhold my friendship? Jehovah’s judgments surely are better than mine.’ So then in summary, two important ways to be a friend: (1) Forgive as Jehovah has forgiven us, and (2) pray that Jehovah will open our hearts wide.

So why do we need real friends now? Well, our text for today says it’s “a brother who is born for times of distress.” The time of the greatest distress the world has ever seen is upon us.

Will we be true friends then? Only if we are true friends now. Have intense love for all of Jesus’ friends, and they will trust you when it matters. And this friendship—we will be friends not only through Armageddon but to all eternity.

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